A New Look At Communication

This introductory section provides you with a fresh perspective on human communication. It covers six topics.

1. Why being an effective two-way communicator is the Number 1 Skill in life.
2. What’s it like out there? An overview of the state of communication in the UK today, and specifically within the education system.
3. Introduction to the TalkWorks system. A brief look at the model of interpersonal communication used throughout the Guide.
4. The nature of dialogue. What are the essential characteristics of dialogue — the most effective form of communication there can be?
5. The key modes of conversation. We talk about a million different things, but most of our conversational activities fall within a handful of modes, such as telling a story, expressing a point of view, delivering a messages and making a proposal.
6. What’s your communication style? We all have a set of characteristics that typify how we interact with other people in our everyday conversations. What’s your profile? And what impact is it having on events in your life?

One of the distinctive features of the TalkWorks model of communication is its recognition that we play three fundamentally different roles as we participate in dialogue — Conversation Manager,  Explainer/Teller, and Understander. The remaining three parts of the Guide are devoted to the skills and wisdom required to play each of these roles expertly.

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Conversation Manager Role

The second section shows you how to manage your conversations wisely from start to finish, so that they remain purposeful, productive and rewarding. It covers the following topics

1. Introduction to the role. What are the qualities required to be an effective Conversation Manager?
2. Preparing for important conversations.  Setting up your conversations for success. A few seconds of preparation can make all the difference.
3. Sharing the purpose of the conversation. It pays to make sure the aim of the conversation is clear and engages the other person’s interest.
4. Taking turns and sharing the airtime. How to make sure your conversations are truly two-way and interactive. A basic requirement of dialogue.
5. Building your conversations on a foundation of mutual respect. The importance of creating a climate of trust and cooperation can’t be over-emphasised.
6. Recognising and honouring the conversational rights of others, and yourself.
7. Making feelings and emotions serve the conversation, not destroy it. A primer in emotional intelligence.
8. Reading the social dynamics of your conversations and dealing with them wisely. The application of social intelligence to communication.
9. Approaching conversations as opportunities for collaboration rather than competition. How to aim for win-win outcomes.
10. There’s always something you can say or do to fix an ailing conversation. That’s what the skill of repairing conversations is all about.
11. Conversational coaching is about using your own expertise to help your partner to participate more effectively in the conversation, even if her or she is lacking in skills and confidence.

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Explainer/Teller Role

The third section explains how to talk in a way that other people find interesting, clear and influential.

1. Introduction to the role. The qualities required to be an effective Explainer/Teller.
2. Engaging the other person’s attention. The first and essential step to connecting with the other person.
3. Using headlines and underlines to introduce or emphasise key ideas, issues and topics.
4. Putting your conversational partner in the picture. This skill could also be called ‘painting in the background’.
5. Filling in the picture with useful detail. How to help the other person  build an accurate and complete picture of what you wish to communicate.
6. Bringing your communications to life. To really connect with people, it’s a good idea to draw on your own experiences to add spice to what you say.
7. Personalising your communication. The technical name of this skill is  “appropriate self-disclosure”. In practice it means using allowing people to get to know you as a person through their conversations with you — but always without overdoing it. It’s one of the basic processes of relationship-building.
8. Encouraging curiosity and dealing with questions carefully. Showing genuine interest in what someone is saying is a powerful motivator.
9. Checking for clarity of understanding. It’s easy to misunderstand what someone is saying, even if you’ve been listening well. The answer is to check it out. Assuming you’ve got right is a dangerous strategy.

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The Understander Role

The fourth section explains how to make sure your understanding of the other person is accurate and complete. As well as listening with your full attention, being an effective Understander also involves actively helping other people to express themselves well, even if the topic is difficult for them to talk about.

1. Your partners will communicate better if they’re 100% certain that you’re paying attention and showing interest in what they’re saying, so make sure you are visibly tuned-in.
2. Listening is not a passive activity but requires a high level of mental self-discipline. The skill is to listen actively with an open mind.
3. Making sure you capture the other person’s meaning is a matter of processing what you hear and taking nonverbal signals into account as well. In TalkWorks terminology we call this skill listening for highlights.
4. Feeding back selected highlights. This is perhaps the most valuable Understander skill of all, since it has the power to create empathy — the ultimate energy source for all conversations.
5. One of the keys to helping people to express themselves fully is being able to ask effective, encouraging questions. There are other techniques described here that will also help you to get the full picture.
6. It’s easy to damage conversations with an knee-jerk response — like a put-down or mocking remark. The skill is to concentrate on helpful responses and avoid counter-productive reactions.
7. Summarising for clarity of understanding. A powerful approach to eliminating misunderstanding and confusion.

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